Self-Doubts are the thoughts and voices in your head that stop you from trying something new, knock your self-esteem and confidence and make you feel unworthy.
These negative thoughts can make you think you’re the only person that has self-doubts and that the people around you are confidently getting on with their lives.
In my experience that isn’t true. Everyone has self-doubts and at some point, we all have to battle with those insecurities. The difference is whether you let your inner critic stop you taking action or you decide to go for it anyway.
Here are 4 particularly ‘crippling self-doubts’ often held by people. Doubts which you need to overcome or dismiss to feel confident and happy.
Crippling Self-Doubts #1: I’m not good enough
Fact: you are good enough just as you are.
Yes you could possibly be healthier, more confident, earn more, have a bigger house or more friends, but is that going to make you happier?
At the core of us we are all good enough, and recognising that is the key to self-acceptance. Instead of chasing after the next external success and expecting it to make you feel fulfilled, recognise that as you are now is enough.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have goals and aim to develop yourself, but they won’t bring you the fulfilment that knowing you are okay right now does.
Crippling Self-Doubts #2 – I’m not clever enough
Fact: you will have evidence that disproves this doubt
Many people pick up the message that they’re ‘stupid’ in childhood when their brain hasn’t developed enough to understand the meaning behind words and actions. The reason for that message can be as simple as a comment by another child or teacher in class, or parents giving more praise to a sibling about school work.
When I challenge clients to find evidence that disproves this doubt, they always find it exists. That allows them to develop a new belief that is realistic and helpful.
If this is something your inner critic says then have a go at looking for evidence that contradicts the words.
Crippling Self-Doubts #3 – Other people will judge me or reject me
Fact – other people are focused far more on themselves than you
We all know logically that we shouldn’t be worried about what other people think about us, but wanting to belong is in our DNA so it’s natural for those thoughts to exist.
If you’re struggling with comparing yourself to others remember that 80% of the time other people are focused on themselves, what they just said or want to say, what they’re having for tea etc.
Instead of comparing yourself to them make the comparison only about you. Think about how you’ve grown over the last 1year or 5 years. Has your confidence increased? Have you learnt a new skill? Are you able to speak up more or has your expertise grown?
When we focus on developing ourselves rather than competing with others, the rewards are far greater.
Crippling Self-doubts #4 – I’m not important enough
Fact – We are all equally important and only when you see and believe this will others treat you with the importance you deserve.
This self-doubt is often expanded into “I’m not important enough to be”:
- loved or
- treated with respect or
- listened to
Logically most of us believe this, but when that self-doubt pops up, remember we all have the right to be loved, treated with respect, and listened to. This is about you as a person and not what you earn, your job title or what you do.
Self-doubts can really cripple both your confidence and your happiness. If any these doubts resonate with you, book a call with me at www.speakwithjo.com or contact me here and I can share how you can beat your specific doubts.